The founder and head pastor of the Calvary Charismatic Centre (CCC), Rev. Ransford Obeng has taken on African men over their unromantic attitude towards women especially their wives describing it as uncalled for.
He observed that they are only good at pouncing on their wives in bed for lovemaking and refuse to support them in the daily chores which he indicate is not the best of practice.
“In Africa, when a man and his wife are from farm, you see the woman carrying a load of foodstuffs and at the sometime carrying a baby while the man follows her with a hoe.
According to Dr. Myles Monroe, when a man does not know how to be a man anymore in his home, he turns to domestic violence, because he does not understand what manhood is anymore.
In a traditional household in the past, every member of the nuclear family knew their gender roles. The role of a man was to go out to hunt, provide food and protect his family, while the woman was to cook, clean and raise the children to the society’s moral standard. The collaboration worked well those days because both genders loved and respected each other’s roles. Everyone was happy with it.
Then World War II happened. Men went to war and women were expected to provide and keep the house. Women started getting the jobs that were meant for the men. When the war ended, and the men returned home, women had most of their jobs. The problem with that was there was no one to take care of the house, and most of the men had no jobs to return to. The woman became the breadwinner of the home, and the so-called respect dropped. The feeling of needing each other and the collaborating spirit reduced.
Fast forward to 2019, the so-called gender role in the traditional household, where the man is the sole provider and protector of the house, does not work again. Providing and protecting was the primary responsibility of a man, and it was classified as what makes a man a man.
In my culture, a man is seen as someone who brings home the bread, provides a roof over his family’s head, is strong, pays the children’s fees. All this contributed to his masculinity and defined him as a man.
So the question is what makes a man a man in today’s society, if those obligations are now being taken care of by or shared with women? Which leads to some men showing traits of toxic masculinity—a narrow and repressive description of manhood, designating manhood as defined by violence, sex, status and aggression. It’s the cultural ideal of manliness, where strength is everything while emotions are a weakness; where sex and brutality are yardsticks by which men are measured, while supposedly feminine traits—which can range from emotional vulnerability to simply not being hypersexual—are the means by which your status as a man can be taken away (Colleen Clemens, 2017). According to Dr. Myles Monroe, when a man does not know how to be a man anymore in his home, he turns to domestic violence, because he does not understand what manhood is anymore.
I spoke to a couple of friends, colleagues, parents (including mine), and strangers about what it takes to be a man in today’s society. Here are some responses I got below, I classified them into two views:
- Fred: What makes a man a man is the acceptance of a woman’s place in today’s dispensation, supporting the home whether she decides to be a stay-at-home woman or career woman, that is, accepting that changes have taken place and recognizing the woman’s contribution. According to the biblical beliefs, men should still be head of the home, meaning being the leader and leading by example, but not in a bossy way. What makes a man a man is he being a partner and not the boss. Lastly, I would say the man valuing fidelity contributes to what makes a man.
- Dad: In the past generations, the typical traits of some fathers was them not contributing to child rearing. Most men were absent in the life of their children. Being present in the upbringing and being a role model contributes to being a man. Also getting rid of what adds to toxic masculinity: men should be allowed to show emotions if they want to, and it should not reduce you to not being a man.
- Derrick: Accepting women are equal to men, period!
- Akua: Respect the woman.
- Asante: Finances and protection do not contribute to being a man alone, but being emotionally available for your family is important, too.
- Prince: Men, in the past, have been the breadwinners; yet, as the society changes as we can see a shift in political views. In the current society, men and women both are accountable for their actions, and we should be able to treat each other with respect. A man should respect a woman. On the other hand, a woman should also respect a man. In a progressive society, women and men are both equal as both women and men are the breadwinners of their home. It is all about sharing responsibility, such as both man and woman taking care of the kids.
- Amma: Women should learn how to respect men; getting rid of gender roles in society is impossible. Even if a woman is working or earning above whatever, she still performs her tasks. (At this point I am rolling my eyes—please answer the question. He concluded that nothing has changed over the years, and the definition of a man still stands.)
Do you agree with the views above or not? Moreover, what is your definition of being a man?
Ustaz Sa’eed Abdur-Rauf, an Islamic scholar and Director, Nigeria Office of International Institute of Islamic Therapy, has called on women, particularly Muslims, to accept the reality of polygamy in building lasting relationships.
Mr Abdur-Rauf, also the Managing Director of De Minaret International, Abuja, made the call on Saturday in Ibadan during the 4th Annual Ramadan Lecture organised by Oyo District of The Criterion, an association of Muslim women in business and the professions.
In the lecture entitled ‘Marital Chaos: The Islamic Antidote,’ Abdur-Rauf, said polygamy was a law of God.
“As a Muslim woman, you should know that there is no alternative to it. If your husband brings a new wife, you should be able to endure it. It is not easy, but you must be able to appreciate than endure it,” he said.
The founder and leader of the Heaven’s Gate Ministry, Prophet Nicholas Osei, popularly known as Prophet Kumchacha, has said sex is the second heaven because it’s sweet. The prophet disclosed this while revealing some of the reasons why men cheat in relationship.
Speaking on e.TV Ghana’s ‘In Bed With Adwen’, Prophet Kumchacha disclosed sex forms 90 percent of marriage and the remaining 10 percent is for chatting among others.
The Head Pastor of the Alabaster International Ministries, Prophet Dr Kofi Oduro has sparked another controversy and could soon be on the chopping board of feminists with the assertion that women who question their husbands about text messages or phone calls are villagers.
In his view, it is wrong for women to be possessive and wish they are the only persons to be referred to as dear, darling among other accolades.
In a video on a counseling session we sighted he said “we should not do that. Allow people…give them a chance. Give them allowance”
Dzifa Sweetness, a sex coach, has asked ladies to be conscious and not forget themselves in marriage.
Speaking on e. TV Ghana’s ‘In Bed with Adwen’, she said the way some ladies behave when they enter into marriage is appalling.
“In marriage, every lady needs to be conscious and keep herself neat. It seems some women don’t know that when they enter into marriage they should be conscious and not forget themselves. But immediately they enter into a marriage and they get a ring on their finger then they forget themselves, “ Dzifa stated.
One of my favourite Nigerian actresses, Angela Okorie is out there on social media dishing some thought-provoking advises to her followers.
Angela touched on marriage/relationship issues, advising women not to allow a man to tell them not to work and that he’ll solely take care of her.
She also advised women against using their resources to build up a man from the scratch.
“I don’t like it when people say You have to build a man from ground to the top, Building a man is not really the problem but forgetting ur self while building him is the problem, you must always understand that u also have some growth to do too
Oh yes u can Support him
You can Encourage him
But don’t you ever forget that u are the first priority
You have a lot of work to do on ur self
Focusing on him than your self is so wrong
Now Focus on the woman u planned to become,
If you continue to focus on him alone
You will be broken and might regret it later
Cos u we’re busy building some1 else
For Everyone story that was
I can show you a thousand more
Where there was a damage ,hurt,
And disappointment .
Some men will ask their wives not to work
That he will provide everything
When things start getting bad
He will not understand it’s a phase
That will pass
He will turn around and say the woman is a witch that made him broke
forgetting he practically asked her not to work, no supporting hand
Blaming her for being broke
Women don’t ever agree to that
Women are help mate we know,
But that Doesn’t mean she should
kill ur self,
Help him grow but don’t forget u are the first priority.
U should be able to do some things on ur own too without u calling yoursweetheart all the time for help.
You can build an empire together
If u both are growing
I don’t know who needs to hear this”
Cheers 🥂 to the weekend 🙏🙏
A new study which sampled men’s beards found more harmful bacteria in human whiskers than in dog fur.
“The researchers found a significantly higher bacterial load in specimens taken from the men’s beards compared with the dogs’ fur,” says professor Andreas Gutzeit of Switzerland’s Hirslanden Clinic.
The study actually intended to understand whether humans could contract dog-borne diseases from a MRI scanner shared by veterinarians.
The researchers took swabs from the scruff of 18 fellas and the necks of 30 canines of various breeds. They found that all of the bearded men, who were aged 18 to 76, had high microbial counts, while only 23 of the 30 dogs showed similarly high microbial presence.
Prophet Livingston Kwame Frimpong of Yahweh Chapel International has illustrated how deadly a nagging wife can be.
Speaking on e.TV Ghana’s ‘In Bed With Adwen’, he said, ‘’Even if you marry Jesus Christ and you nag, He will leave you. There is nothing as frustrating as a poor disrespectful wife.’’
He also asserted that nagging is inherited from mothers.
‘’Some women grew up watching their mothers disrespect their fathers. So they are used to that behaviour. Their mothers insult their brothers and never apologize for such uncouth behaviour so they also carry it into their own matrimonial homes,’’ he observed.
He also claimed that if his colleague pastors are given ‘a guilt-free pass’ to divorce their wives, majority of them will seek for divorce without butting an eyelids.
Celebrated marriage counselor, Frank Edem Adofoli has observed that perfect marriages have their owns share of fights, disappointments, hurt among other unimaginable things which spices up such relationships but must not end with divorce.
He explains that any perfect marriage without these is imperfect considering the fact that getting married means going through the issues of life, good or bad; and life gets tougher because of the presence of another person in one’s life.
“There are fights in perfect marriages, hurt in a perfect marriage, there is disappointment, disease, distance, debt, even death but besides all these, those perfect marriages have not ended in divorce.
You are not in your spouse’s life by mistake, there is a purpose. Your presence has the power to help someone do away with some bad habit or behaviour; your presence could help them be saved. Some spouses won’t be enjoying some blessings or favour if they were not married to their present partners. If you understand the purpose of your marriage, divorce won’t be an option”, he disclosed in his latest article.
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